


Adjustment

by Evandar



Category: False Memories (manga)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Community: hc_bingo, Established Relationship, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 06:02:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6741604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evandar/pseuds/Evandar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Kouhei-<i>kun</i> claimed that he had his kind side and his cool side, nothing he said could convince Saeki that he was a good person anymore. He was a terribly selfish man; one who would cling to Kouhei-<i>kun</i> with all of his strength until he was finally, inevitably, made to let go</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adjustment

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the May Amnesty Challenge at hc_bingo, filling prompts 'depression' and 'family'.

It had been easier to compartmentalise things before they’d had sex. For those first two months after they’d kissed, but before things got serious, he’d been able to pretend to himself that they were just hanging out. They were friends. It had been complete bullshit, but at least it had managed to get him through work – though even then he’d not been able to meet Ueda- _san_ ’s eyes.

But now? He couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He couldn’t lie to anyone, and it was only the thought of Kouhei- _kun_ ’s reaction – his shame and disappointment – that kept Saeki’s mouth shut. Well, mostly shut. But telling Fuku- _chan_ and his fiancée was something entirely different: he had to confide in someone, and Fuku- _chan_ had been his best friend for years. _They_ wouldn’t spill to anyone, not even to Ueda- _san_ , because despite how funny they seemed to find all of this, Saeki knew that they loved him too much to hurt him.

Even if he deserved it.

He bowed his head. Designs and blueprints were scattered all over his desk, and he was supposed to be working, but…He couldn’t focus. He couldn’t stop his mind from drifting back to Kouhei- _kun_ and his sweet words and the noises he made when…

Fuck.

Saeki twisted his fingers in his hair, yanking roughly. He’d never been this stressed out by a relationship before, but Kouhei- _kun_ was more special than any of the girls he’d played the half-hearted lothario for. He was better somehow. More important. He was talented and beautiful and smart – like the romantic lead from a _shoujo_ manga – and he deserved far, far better than Saeki. Eventually, he supposed, Kouhei- _kun_ would realise that. He’d move on and find someone else, just like all the others had, and life would be back to normal. Almost. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that Kouhei- _kun_ wouldn’t rip his heart out and take it with him when he left.

He swallowed. He untangled his hands from his hair and scrubbed them over his eyes. The plans in front of him didn’t make any sense anymore, and he was sick to death of staring at them blankly between moments of distraction. The stuffy office air was becoming hard to breathe, and his brain was swimming with thoughts of self-disgust and shame and that aching combination of desire and loneliness that wells up inside of him every time he thinks of Kouhei- _kun_. He sighed and shut down his computer, grabbed his jacket and the packet of cigarettes he kept on his desk, and muttered a goodbye. 

Tsuda mumbled something in response. Fuku- _chan_ glanced up at him, and Saeki looked quickly away before he could catch more than a glimpse of the concerned look on his best friend’s face. He didn’t usually leave this early, but…

“I have some stuff to sort out before the bank closes,” he said. “See you guys tomorrow.”

He ducked out of the room, and called a polite goodbye to Ueda- _san_ as he passed her desk. He was lucky, he supposed, to have managed to cultivate a reputation as the kind of half-arsed loser who can barely manage to meet someone’s eyes even on a good day. It was helping him avoid suspicion, at least.

Ueda- _san_. What the hell kind of colleague was he? Going around behind her back, fucking her only son – and knowing him, he’d fuck Kouhei- _kun_ _up_ too.

He lit a cigarette as soon as he stepped out onto the street. He took a deep, shaking inhale and breathed out slowly until his hands stopped trembling.

…

Kouhei- _kun_ ’s arms slipped around his waist. His hips pressed firmly against Saeki’s ass as he pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. “I’m home!” he murmured in a sing-song voice, and Saeki leaned back slightly into his embrace. He could feel Kouhei- _kun_ ’s smile against his skin, and even though he didn’t turn around – kept chopping carrots – he smiled back.

“You’re early,” he replied.

Quiet on his feet too, the little shit. 

He’d given Kouhei- _kun_ a spare key when most of their dates had started ending up at his place. It wasn’t fair, he thought, to drag Kouhei- _kun_ out of bed just because he had to leave to work. (His college days weren’t _so_ long ago that he’d forgotten how much mornings sucked.) So he’d given him the key so that he could lock up after himself, and that had turned into this: dinners at his place instead of in bars or restaurants; nights where they curled up and watched TV together and made out leisurely on the couch.

He didn’t know what excuse Kouhei- _kun_ had given his mother; what he’d told her about where he spent the night. He just knew that Kouhei- _kun_ hadn’t told her the truth.

Ueda- _san_ did still speak to him, after all.

“Practise was cancelled,” Kouhei- _kun_ explained. His breath was warm and wet on the back of Saeki’s neck, and he could feel his cock stirring along with that fluttering in his stomach that Kouhei- _kun_ always caused. He slid the carrots into the pan and gave them a quick stir before folding his hands over Kouhei- _kun_ ’s where they gripped onto his shirt.

Kouhei- _kun_ made him _want_. He made him want so many things that he hadn’t ever thought he _could_ want. If he’d been a better person, he might have been able to resist. But while Kouhei- _kun_ claimed that he had his kind side and his cool side, nothing he said could convince Saeki that he was a good person anymore. He was a terribly selfish man; one who would cling to Kouhei- _kun_ with all of his strength until he was finally, inevitably, made to let go.

One day, Kouhei- _kun_ would come to regret and resent him for that selfishness. One day, Ueda- _san_ would find out, and maybe hat day would be the end…but until then…

He turned in Kouhei- _kun_ ’s arms and leaned down to kiss his smile from his beautiful lips.

“I’m glad,” he said.


End file.
